Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize