dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
