Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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