a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
