I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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