I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it glows. i had to have it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
