Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
