Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
