And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
