I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
