He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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