So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
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Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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