i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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