Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
someone owes me an orgasm
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
