You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
