I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
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That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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