oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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