I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
