my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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