I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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