someone threw a dead crab at me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
