He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
where are my eyebrows?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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