I cockslap morals
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
