tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
