yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
