And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
