On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
