she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
