You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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