I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
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I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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