It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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