so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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