Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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