need another drink. this is the easiest way
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
