I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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