If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
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the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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