just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize