I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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