so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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