I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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