I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
