She just used a chaser for red wine.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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