Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
