Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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