bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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