FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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