my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
