i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
