Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
