I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
