Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
