hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
