im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
