I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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