My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
