Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize