He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
