i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
