Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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