I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
