I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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