guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
