i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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