he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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