You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today