Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.