I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink